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I’m finally back online, I’v been pretty busy settling in Montreal and starting my REAL life. Real means I have plenty of money and don’t have to spend every minute of free time studying some shit ass exam, I only study exams who give money after you pass them. So now I’m back to my merciless hyena of a critic of the new Oomph videos

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Auf Kurs. Of course.

Of course it sucks, again. Seriously, are the women so hideous in Germany you couldn’t find one who didn’t look like a robotic, East Berliner, Olympic weight thrower with 20 pounds of foundation in her face to hide the facial hair?! I hope she didn’t shaved her back or her eyebrows in your bathrooms. Seriously I thought they couldn’t get lower in my respect with that copy and paste balls in a bol video, but this time, congrats, you’re lower than ever.

And she’s got a huuuuge ass, just look at the scene where we see her from behind while she’s looking at the dentist drilling room through the FBI interrogation false mirror wall. Huge I’m telling you! An elephant could get lost in that ass, and don’t forget, elephants have a great memory. And I’m not talking about the boobs, they’ll be hanging down by her ankles before she can say quidditch. the elephant could probably use the bra as a war parachute, unless it has the Dumbo gene.

Ok ok we’ve seen these cameras somewhere, and those big boobs too, and ... wait what was that clip called? And there were kids in school, and now there’s 3 guys in jail wearing pyjamas that seems to have been designed by the most boring automated clothing design machine from Red Deer (Google it). I suppose school as a kid is the metaphor for when you’re grown up and being in jail having an ugly woman go Saddam on you.

Honestly, you could have used a Sarah Palin clone as Hezbollah Mistress of toe nails clippings, at least it would have been laughable. Then she could have forced you guys to change the diapers of her 5000 kids and go kill some cute endangered species like baby polar bears or give press conference about how abstinence only programs really work WITHOUT laughing. Now that’s torture.

The formula is overrated, they put gore, lots of gore, then copy something from somebody else (balls cut and thrown in general directions, or whatever that song is called) or from something that they did and that was cool (Traumst du). Can’t they think of something new?! Or at least pick up a better looking woman? Or is close sight disease kicking in for guys in their early forties who spent all their money on motorcyles because they’re in denial of buying reading glasses?

For some real torture Dero should have gone ear licking on the Female Troll that is the ugliest of all Scandinavia like he did with Martha, that would have been fun to watch him puke in the toilets after. Hey, that’s what toilets are for in jail, why do you think it’s so close to the beds?


These boots are made for drilling through your knees.

I find most horrors movies to be the most effective sleep medication, that and college classes with power point presentations. But this video beats the classes in which I never learned anything. I really don’t get their new style of gore mixed with dismemberment, sure it attracts kids and stupid older girls *cough*forums*cough*, but hell your videos were so much cooler before (before the It’s 11 o’clock and you don’t know where your ring in the nose and likes to lick knives daughter is video). That new shit bores the hell out of me. And it’s not just the snooty princess in me saying I don’t like seeing someone giving some Spa labor camp treatment to Crap. Maybe it’s my humanist nature, after all these japanese weapon classes where I learned 10 ways to shove a sword into a skull, I still find that stuff is rotten garbage level for art. And don’t start about “But it’s provocation!” No way, provocation is to go against mainstream, and kids looooove gore stuff like that! You’re just agreeing to what’s gonna give you the most fans the easiest, fastest and lousiest way. So bend down again and kiss their fat ass rich with mommies and daddies credit cards and pray they still remember you in 2 years. I got my own credit card thank you, but I ain’t buy your stuff because it never makes its way to America and it’s waaaay too expensive on the internet. At least Finnish Vikings know how to make business.

From a more feminist point of view, are they trying to reclaim their male image by showing us how they “don’t” mind suffering while remaining relatively handsome? That big blood puking circumcision party really isn’t working at all, if you want to show us what a REAL man looks like when he’s got 4 arrows in the chest, look at Stelios at the end of 300. And don’t blink because of the tears! Gets me everytime. Your torture sessions with Chief Alien of Ovaries is absolutely worthless because you all get out of the castle of aarrrrrrgh at the end looking fine, thus making the “sacrifice” void ( I know there’s some second degree stuff, but screw it!!), at least Stelios really dies while defending noble principles like justice, reason and the freedom for handsome men to wear leather shorts.

But I don’t think Dero’s in shape enough to wear the leather shorts, or mentally ready.

At least this time they improved their fake blood recipe.